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2/13/2006

So I've said some mean things about 'Amy', even before this whole eviction thing. The truth is that for almost a year there, she was my best friend, and I'm greatful for that. I guess what had me so upset was she didn't seem to care about me as much as I had cared about her.

I forgot to mention that she recently sent me a text message, saying that even though she didn't care for my "lady friend", she still worries and cares and thinks about me.

Damn her. It's like the Thanksgiving we had together, where we listed the things we were greatful for, and had an argument 10 minutes later about how secretive I am, and how I don't talk about my past.

Than later that night, she sent me a text that said she forgot to mention that I'm on her list of things she's greatful for, which of course made me feel like a complete ass.

So, I don't know if she says these nice things after the fact out of genuine caring, or if it's some sort of subtle manipulation. Lately, I've been leaning towards the latter. I mean, she said some horrible things to me the night of the eviction, knowing all my shortcomings and vulnerable spots and tearing through them like a rabid dog.

And the next day, suddenly she cares and worries about me?

Maybe she got what she wanted, because after 'Erica' and I had broke up I felt guilty enough to write 'Amy' an email and apologize, asking for a second chance.

After I sent it though, I really thought hard and everything she said to me that night came flooding back, and so I wrote a second email saying to disregard the first one, and that this was for the best.

The next day she wrote back, that she'd like to go to Borders together sometime when her school schedule settled down.

I can't help but feel that it's a trap, a way to lure me back into her web. So, I'm closing that chapter of my life and saying goodbye to her. Right now, I'm focusing on graduating and saving money, than getting the Hell out of here for a while.

I love San Francisco, and will return, but there's a few things I need to get out of the way first.

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