Victory! Now, what's Next?

Before that whole thing with Stacia yesterday, I was having a pretty good Work day. I sort of took my first "business trip". The boss was getting on me about advertising, so I took some petty cash and travelled around the city and the airport, finding places to advertise and occasionally making some deals.

The new Valley Yellow Pages also came in and I got to see the Ad I designed on my Mac in all it's yellow/black glory. I also designed one for the Chinese Yellow Pages, which came out pretty good. And our new brochures look fantastic. I must say, I never would have done all this with a Windows PC.

Just sayin', just sayin'...

And after hearing of my crusade the boss patted me on the back and congratulated me. And now today- "So, what's next? Where are you going today?"


Yeah, that's business for you. I mean, I may have slightly above average intelligence, but I don't have any training for all this. I spose' I'm cheaper than hiring a pro though. Well, I'm sure I'll think of something.

I got invited out to Bondage-a-Go-Go last night, so I broke my waist cincher out of the closet and threw an outfit together. After all was dressed and done "Gothic Lolita Ballerina" came to mind.

I usually wear a bulky hoody and sweats over my Costumes, since I dress so conservativly at work (where I also live), and take em' off in the cab. Last night though I just said 'Fuck It' and marched downstairs in my 4" stilletos, fishnets, and 24" waist. Only a couple of people saw me, but it was the main gossip fodder this morning. I'm the youngest employee here by at least 30 years, so the older people tend to get shocked easily.

Anyhoo, we got there pretty early. It was Me, Lizzy, her Girlfriend, and Daisy. I met Lizzy through work. I think I also blogged a couple of years ago about having to Let her Go. But we've remained social aquaintences.

Daisy seemed to like me. I met her once before, and Lizzy told me later she was attracted to me. I always seem to walk a little taller when I'm hanging out with people I know has a crush on me- it's a great confidence boost.

I could see myself making out with her, but a little later in the night the drinks caught up with her and she threw up on the dance floor. Yeah, she was THAT girl. (For a change, THAT girl wasn't me) So, that little fantasy pretty much died. I guess I had some sort of rite of passage as I took her to the bathroom and held her hair over the toilet bowl.

For my part, even though I had about five lemon drops, I paced myself so I didn't get too tipsy. I didn't get back in until 3AM, where I got a nice three hour nap before getting ready for work. I remembered to take a few photos, so I'll post those to Flickr later. It'll probably be the last or second to last Flickr update for awhile. I'm probably going to be all bruised up when I get back from Thailand, and nobody wants to see that.


Another Tailspin

I didn't mention it before, but a little bit after the attack at work I called Stacia up. She didn't answer, it went to voicemail, so I left some messages. "Some", because you couldn't leave one longer than 30 seconds or so.

I had needed someone to talk to, and my small circle of friends weren't available, so there you go.

I kind of poured my heart out, a stiff cocktail of nerves and regret. Yes, she had some problems that I put up with, but I wasn't exactly a saint either. I've said before I'm a little nutty, maybe a dark mixture of estrogen and social isolation.

So I confessed some things, apologized for my behavior, tried to get her to understand where I was coming from.

And just now, apparently her phone was dead and she just got the messages. It was a rather cold conversation, but I was apologetic, I let her say what she wanted to. I mean, after our last "break up" I wrote a pretty nasty email that would be pretty tough to forgive, and she didn't.

She was sorry to hear about the assault, but she made it pretty clear that she didn't have much sympathy and that we were done.

We're not friends anymore, haven't been since the thread broke all those months ago, but I do miss her, and I'm saddened by the loss.

I still have some of her stuff and she said she'd come by to get it. That'll be a really sad day.

A Cuddle "Club", not Party

So I received an email from Reid Mihalko, the CREATOR of the Cuddle
Party, after my last Blog entry. (Google Alerts) is pretty amazing.

He had some questions so I asked the friend we went with and she
clarified that this wasn't an official Party, but this guys own
"Cuddle Club".

I had no idea that there were Certified parties, and now knowing that
it wasn't official makes it even creepier. (Let me also say that this
Cuddle Club guy did stress the non-sexual nature of the hugging and he
wouldn't put up with those kind of shenanigans, so it wasn't creepy in
that way.)

Anyhoo, thought I'd mention that as to not turn people off to the
genuine thing, something I've yet to experience.

I guess the moral is Know who you're hugging, kids!

Sent from my iPhone


Yesterday I took a looooong Sunday walk, probably my longest city walk ever. There was some sort of Anarchy Book Fair in town that The Vegan was attending, and she invited me. Took me about four hours of lazy strolling, but I eventually got there. I tried walking down streets I had never been on before, and I took some interesting pics. I always love taking in new vistas and unfamiliar neighborhoods. The weather was fantastic yesterday.

What a beautiful city I live in. Despite its problems, I love San Francisco.

The Book Fair was barely worth mentioning. Just picture a bunch of youngish scruffy people with dyed hair wearing hoodies shuffling around. Well, maybe I'm generalizing.

Anyhoo, went up to the STD clinic today. I figured I'd get a medical opinion about the whole biting incident, and he helped put my mind at ease that getting infected that way would be extremely rare.

After conferring with a colleague, he suggested a precautionary Hepatitis B vaccine. I couldn't remember if I'd had one yet, and neither could Mom, so I got one anyway. Apparently if I have had it before, there's no harm in getting one again. Anyway, it was free. I like vaccines.

Plus, I got to pick up some strawberry flavored condoms on the way out. Those might come in handy someday.

Hmm, not much else happening. I got a surprising cash inflow from a family member who wanted to help me out. I don't like asking for money, but the numbers don't lie and I'd hate to sell my Lappy. She said I don't have to pay her back, but I'll send a check in June anyway.

I'll send the final wire transfer to my doc around April 22nd or so, and I'll be all set. Wow, 50 days from today I'll be heading out. Amazing how quickly time flies.


Happy Easter!

Ugh, I must have smoked a pack yesterday. Gotta quit those again.


So before I was so rudely interrupted:

Emmy and I attended a Cuddle Party, along with her sister Cindi and her boyfriend Chris. There's the link to the Wiki article, and you might have seen a dramatized version on CSI. (As you might guess, the other people (Besides us, of course) were nowhere near as young or pretty.)

On the way there, we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge, a first for me. Chris was sweet- sensing my excitement he opened up the sun roof so I could get a better view. It really is pretty amazing. Too bad it looses it's magic for the people commuting across it everyday, probably thinking more about the toll booth ahead.

So we get to this guys house, fairly large and nicely furnished. There were four people lounging in the living room- three guys, one women. All in their late 30s and up. Taking our seats on the blanketed floor, the group leader started going over the rules. He had a shaved head, a goatee, and a weird kind of buttonless shirt that looked like it belonged to some poet from the 70's. He also had a lackadaisical way of speaking that simultaneously put me to sleep and creeped me out. And he's a criminal defense Lawyer. Heh.

So at these things you're supposed to identify with a certain animal. A Cat means you want to be asked to be cuddled first, a dog means you don't need to be asked, just come on up, and a bird doesn't want to be asked, it'll just "fly around the room" hugging as it chooses. (I think, I zoned out a little)

When I type it out, it sounds even crazier.

Well, Emmy and I were the only Cats, everyone else were Dogs, and we got down to the business of Non-Sexual Consensual Human Contact. I should say at this point, that this was probably one of the most awkward, uncomfortable situations of my life. I'm not really one to be described as the "Touchy-Feely" type, but I stuck close to the group I came with and tried to keep my back turned to everyone else.

I was pretty stiff, but Cindi relaxed me a little with a neck massage, and she rubbed my arm, held hands, etc. That helped me get a little more comfortable.

I cannot believe we did this for, like, 2 1/2 hours. There was a lot of conversation. Chris is an Earth bound skeptic, and some people seemed to take offense to his nonbelief in their New Age pursuits. Chris was cool about it though- he feels people are free to think however they want, but it was like they wanted to start an argument.

Emmy sent me text messages occasionaly through the night, commenting how weird some of the people were, and had some rather negative things to say about the group leader. Yeah, she's not going back.

Eventually we finally got out of there and headed back to the city for a late night dinner. My favorite Thai place was waaaay to loud- for some reason part of it had turned into a Night Club during the night. I've been a little dissapointed in how commericialized they've become lately.

Anyhoo, so we went to Mel's Diner, one of those 50's nostalgia places but not done really well. I've yet to EVER get good service at a diner.

I've mentioned Chris alot during this post, and I must admit I think I developed a little crush on him. Not only was he really cute, but he's just one of those easy going, fun loving nice guys, and he actually persevered through the night to crack open my shell. At one point he put a friendly arm around me, and tried to get me to make eye contact with him, with limited success.

That felt nice, but for some reason I was too embarassed to show that I liked it, so I defaulted to stiff and uncomfortable.

It's weird how at work I'm so direct and forceful, but after dark around guys like him I get really submissive.

Well anyway, all in all in was an OK night, and we're probably all going to Road Trip to Vegas this summer. It'll be pretty hot, so maybe I can try out some of my skimpier outfits.

Ta Ta for now-


Ah Jesus, I fucking bit him.  Through his sleeve.  With the adrenalin and stuff I don't know if I drew blood or not.  Just my luck to catch HIV or something.

Un Fucking believable.

Well I'll have to get an HIV test anyway next month before I leave for Thailand.  Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I called Mom, but she said just to get tested every couple of months and try not to think about it.  Not much I can do about it now.

Fuck.  So this is how I go?  

Unfucking believable.

I'm Ok

Just a little shooken up.

A guy wanted a refund, and I kept explaining to him why he couldn't get one.  He started getting pretty upset, yelling and screaming, and I asked him to leave.  When he didn't I reached for the phone to call the police, but he entered the office.

Before I could react he had me in a headlock.  At this point instinct just took over and I pushed backwards until we were both out of the office, and I bit his arm while tripping him.  We fell backwards with me on top of him, and I think I hit him in the face and he let go, where I ran out of there to a store across the street and called the police.

Afterwards, I cautiously made my way back to the hotel and saw that he had left.  Didn't seem like he took anything- even my laptop was safe and sound on the desk.  Guess he didn't want to add robbery or destruction of property to his charges.

It's all just made me think, though.  This really is a dangerous neighborhood.  I get death threats all the time, and I've just tried to do my job as best as possible and carry on.  But I'm not safe, not really.  That guy could easily come back to finish the job, or maybe I'll get a bullet in the back sometime in the future while I'm walking down the street.

I'm going to use this incident to get the boss to beef up security.  I've been telling him for months we should get a better camera surveillance system, and maybe some bullet resistant glass for the office.

Myself, I'm thinking about maybe getting a bullet-proof vest.  Found some good deals online.  It's not much, but it's something.

I'm also rethinking my priorities.  I do have a pretty good gig here.  I make a pretty good amount for someone who only has a GED.  I live rent-free in one of the countries most expensive cities.  I couldn't imagine taking some McJob somewhere where I'm just a cog in the corporate machine, rather then a small little place where I only have one boss to answer to.

But is it worth it?  Worth my life?  Well, no, obviously.  But really, there's no guarantee of safety anywhere.  This was the first time something like this has happened in the 30 year history of this hotel, and though you hear about tragedies all the time like the convenience store clerk killed for $50 bucks, statistically it's still a rather low probability.

Of course, when it happens to you, statistics don't mean squat.

When the guy first grabbed me, I remember there was a split second there where I thought I was about to die.  That maybe he was getting ready to knife me or strangle me to death.

And as statistically low as it may be, it does happen.

It makes you rethink priorities.  I guess what I'm saying is, should I pack up and go because of the possibility it might happen again, or should I just carry on?

Well, I'm going to stay at least until I get back from Thailand.  And I want to save up enough to last me for awhile.  I'd hate to have to start over with nothing again after four years of building.

Ugh, well, just more things to think about.  I'm sure this is mostly just nerves talking.  And it's true what they say, I think- Once a smoker, always a smoker.  First thing I did after I filed the police report was buying a pack of cigarettes.  They did help to take the edge off.

I got someone to fill in for me and I'm taking the rest of the weekend off.  And I didn't forget about the Cuddle Party story.  That was still an experience that I'd like to record, so assuming I survive long enough, I'll blog about that next entry.

One of the best things about being friends with Emmy is being introduced into situations that I wouldn't usually find myself in.  I find new experiences exciting, even if it's outside my comfort zone.

Take last night, for example, where Emmy and I attended a Cuddle Party, along with her sister Mindi and her boyfriend.  There's the link to the Wiki article, and you might have seen a dramatized version on CSI.  (As you might guess, the other people (Besides us, of course) were nowhere near as young or pretty.)


I was just assaulted by a disgruntled customer.  More to come later.


Happy Belated St. Patrick's Day!

Celebrated my Irish heritage by walking down to Fuzio's and having a couple of pints of Guiness. $3.00 Appetizers during Happy Hour!

And let's see... Been test driving the FireFox 3 Beta and I'm pretty impressed. The Mac version wasn't as stable and seemed to have less features, but this new version is a big improvement.

Having second thoughts about selling my lappy. That'll probably be a last resort. We'll see how it goes come April.


I have a running spreadsheet that's helping me plan out my finances. It's going to be a little close, but I'll have the full amount come May.

I've been tossing the around the idea of selling my Macbook Pro.


I was planning on selling it this summer anyway to upgrade to the new model. I figure that will help give me some breathing room money-wise. Plus, I'd also have enough to buy an Asus 4g EEE PC, (Black, of course), something I was also planning on picking up come July. Since playing around with Linux a few months ago, I'd like something cute like the EEE to play around with to enhance my skills on the OS.

That might be enough to last me until July. Though, living two months without a Mac would be Dark Days, indeed.


Ah, my Old Friend

4AM! Good to see you again!

The Grave Yard Shift called in sick, so here I am.

Not much going on. I'm feeling a little hap- well, less depressed, and am trying to get caught up on some projects while I have the energy.

Got to get caught up on email and stuff. Plus the boss wants a redesign of the Hotel Lobby, so I've been learning Google Sketchup, using the blueprint layouts to recreate it in 3D. It's been interesting.

Had dinner with Emmy and her new Boy Toy the other night. He was a pretty cool guy, and we ha some fun. Made me realize though that I'm 25 and have never been on a double date. Not that a Double Date is some kind of milestone or anything, just seems like some sort of normal relationship ritual that humans occasionally partake in.

Emmy also confided some financial problems she's having, and as such, cannot make it to Thailand with me. I didn't mind, and half-expected it. I felt a little bad about her going anyway- didn't want her to break the bank on my account.

I've always been a loner and tend to end up taking care of myself anyway, so I like to think I'm mentally prepared for it.

Today marks a little under two months 'til Arrival in Thailand. (Departure seems a little morbid.)


12 Hours and I still feel Tired

Ugh, been almost a week, already.

I meant to post, but I've been in a funk, neglecting AIM and Email, too. Gotta get caught up on that.

Last weekend Lizzy invited me to her birthday party. The one she had the previous year was slightly uncomfortable for me, but this one was a smaller, less formal atmosphere so I had an alright time.

The Effeminate Christian Rebublican Mac-Head was there, and I think I had my first real, natural conversation. About time. I have to thank the recently released iPhone SDK for helping jumpstart the conversation which went on and on- all Apple related, of course.

This week though has been pretty stressful, and has left me feeling drained. Got yelled out a few times at work, and in general just felt down. Yesterday was particularly bad, so I counted out some spare change and headed to Chevy's.

I've discovered that their Top Shelf Margarita's deliver the most bang for my buck, as the regular is always sure to deliver a nice buzz, with the Grandé practically knocking my legs out from under me. In the spirit of moderation (and limited funds) I stuck with the regular and munched on tortillas with Salsa while listening to my "Songs of the 90's" playlist.

After that, falling asleep at 6PM became a very attractive option so I crashed and slept through the night.

I feel better today, and work also seems to be going better. Margaritas might be my new antidepressant. (I kid)


Ahh, I love the smell of Solder in the Morning

It smells like...VICTORY!

I like working on projects, especially at work. I seem to attack them with a lot more zeal than when I'm doing my own stuff.

We've had a third party run Internet Kiosk for a little while, but months ago the service was cut off and the guy who runs it hasn't returned any calls, so the machine just sits there, useless.

I finally convinced the boss to get our own Internet Access setup together, so he provided the Enterprise class ISP and Ethernet cable, and I worked on wiring the building for Wi-Fi. Took me most of the day, and as I'm on Salary, I probably won't see any bonus, but still- feels like I accomplished something.

And it works! It's nice having internet in the office again, where my 3G Cellular card wasn't getting a signal.

Now, I'm exhausted. Well, I guess I do get a bonus afterall- the boss is ordering me a Pizza.



Had a bit too drink the other night, obviously. Ugh, can't believe I smoked. Since Emmy leaving was what made me quit in the first place, and then having her back around suddenly, my resolve weakened a tad.

I haven't smoked for a couple of days, though. And I'm buzzed on red wine and watching a French movie where EVERYONE'S smoking. I'm tempted, but not overwhelmingly.

Anyway, I was drunk the other night because The Vegan invited me out to a bar. She hardly drinks at all, so I thought it would be funny to see her buzzed. She lives alllllll the way out in the frickin' Presidio. Practically under the Golden Gate Bridge.

It's a nice area, but it's like not even being in the city anymore. Cell reception is terrible. And not having a personal mode of transportation, it takes forever to get there by bus.

But I kind of had fun. There was a cute bartender we were daring each other to flirt with, but we both chickened out. He was a Mixologist from New York, and he taught me some interesting things about Martinis and mixed me up a few cool variations, including one with Hot Sauce. Pretty good.

So like I said, it was a fun night....but not nearly as fun as the night I could have had. I heard from Emmy the next day, who said she tried inviting me out with friends, but I never got the call because of the reception. Let's just say I missed a night that included a sex club, her discovering that she liked having sex in public, and some other things I won't even mention but almost blew my mind.


Hmm. I wasn't exactly aroused by her retelling of the events. I wasn't even looking at in a sexual way. I just like witnessing strange, new things. I like discovering and learning. I don't like to miss things that you don't see everyday.

Ah well. Perhaps there will be a next time.


I may be a little drunk right now, but away from the busy city,
staring up st the night sky, the thunder crashing of the waves- its

I know its clichè, but I just imagine what people must have thought,
thousands of years ago, looking up at this sky.

Its rather amazing.

Sent from my iPhone


Drunk + smoking = AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sent from my iPhone