.

4/25/2006

Ha, that's great! Once again, the latest strip from Penny Arcade sums it up nicely.

What's not so great, is it turns out I probably don't have the flu. According to Mom, after I described the symptons, she said it sounded like Strep Throat. Something I haven't gotten since I was a kid.

You'd think quitting smoking (again) would benefit that area somewhat. One would think so, anyway. Then again, this world has never made much sense to begin with.

4/23/2006

The day started off well, sort of, but started going rapidly downhill around 6pm. But before that, as I went about enjoying my day, I was thinking about how I'd sum it up in a blog. Though I feel like shit, I'll try to muster up some enthusiasm.

I was a little sluggish in the morning, but it was my first day off in over a month, so I thought I'd make the best of it. After I delt with a little work and family related crap, I finally got out around 11am. Having some overdue books, I headed for the library. There, I got sidetracked by a parade getting ready to begin. I realized this was the last day of the Cherry Blossom Festival, and some of the marchers included cosplayers. Hundreds of em'.

That was pretty cool. In my younger days, I think I made a pretty good girl-type Ranma. In my mind, anyway.

So I followed that up to Japantown, realized I hadn't had some sushi for a while, and then balked at the huge crowd and left. I happened to run into the parade again, this time the bystanders were relativly bare, and saw our unbelievably cute Mayor Gavin Newsom waving at the crowd from the back of the Monopoly car. And though I wasn't wearing my glasses,when we made eye contact I could swear he winked at me. [Insert "I'll be his intern any day" type joke here.]

After that I passed an AMC and bit the bullet, deciding to see Silent Hill despite the horrid reviews. I wouldn't say it was excruciating, per se. Alone in the Dark was much, much worst. But it was still pretty awful.

Speaking of video game movies, turns out they're making another Tomb Raider movie. And speaking of Tomb Raider, the newest game, Tomb Raider: Legends, is the first one I actually finished. That might surprise some, as there was a time when I was fairly vocal about my Lara Croft obsession. Heck, that's why I called myself Lara in the first place.

So anyhoo, I beat the game and am now trying to collect all the medals. Nice to see the new development house did a good job.

So where was I? Ah, so now it's past 5pm (A movie that awful has no right being 125 minutes long) and the slight body aches I had when I woke up were starting to get worse, and I could tell I was developing a fever. Bodaches + Sore throat + Fever = Flu.

I suppose I'm lucky. This, plus some dizziness, is usually about it in terms of symptoms, and it usually passes in a couple of days. So even though I was feeling bad, I still wanted to finish my shopping trip that got cut short last time from the store catching on fire, or whatever happened.

Got some new shoes (One inch heel- Oooh, Daring.) and some jeans, and a little spring overcoat, and finally headed home, only to be greeted by more work shit as soon as I walked through the door. People had to be evicted, rent needed to be collected, schedules had to be adjusted. I spent an hour doing that, than I started to really feel bad, so I'm taking a sick day tomorrow. Something I've never done, by the way.

Even at the restaurant I used to work at, the boss called me up in the AM, asking me to come in. I told him I wasn't feeling well (Read: Extremly bad hangover) but hearing the dissapointment in the managers voice, I mustered up a facade of health and went in. And the guy still treated me like dirt. Fucking Prick. (I wrote more about him in the Sidekick Blog)

Fucking prick. I found out he was fired a few months ago, too. Fucker.

So, uh, yeah, I figured a genuine two day weekend might be in order to recharge the batteries. Like I said, I COULD go in, but I've been working so much overtime, it won't really effect my paycheck that much. Which in the end, it all that matters.

This Life Lesson brought to you by the letter F. I'm going to go collapse, now.


P.S. Added some pics of the parade to flickr, but that's all. I look even shittier when I'm sick.

4/22/2006

Ugh, has it really been a week since my last post? I must exist in a quantum state- Time has grounded to a halt, yet it's flying by.

Today was one of those Bad Days that could have been a lot worse, but were still long and stressful, and the knowledge that it could have been worse does little to lighten your mood.

It wasn't anything major in particular, just a lot of little things adding up. I've been working overtime almost every day, plus I haven't had a day off in over a month. The Elevator is busted so I had to take the stairs everytime I needed to check a rooom, which is a lot. Stuff like that.

Than after work, I thought I'd relax by doing some shopping. I go into the changing room and everythings fine, I come out, and the freakin' building is filling up with smoke and they're evacuating everyone.

Far as I know, no one was hurt.

Then my cell rings, and it's my work telling me I gotta come back and work another shift at 8PM. Soon after, my cellphone gets turned off, even though I paid the fucking thing already.

So, here I am, trying to enjoy the hour before I go back to work. What a fucking day.

Well, at least I wasn't burnt to a crisp, or buried alive in an earthquake.

So, you know...it could have been worse.

*rolls eyes*

4/15/2006

I'm a pretty boring dresser. At work, usually black slacks and a button blouse, and after, jeans and a t-shirt. I'm just mentioning this because I took some more photos, this time in a denim skirt a girlfriend gave me that I've never worked up the nerve to wear outside. Makes me look even more like an amazon, as it only goes to mid-thigh. There's a reason I prefer jeans and calf-length dresses, and it's not just comfort.

Once I buy that new camera, I'm looking forward to taking some pics around the city, maybe kicking back all casual-like at my favorite hang-out places, restaurants, and such. I think that would be cool, seeing how all the photos I've posted for the last six years seem to be inside shots of me frozen in the headlights, so to speak. Heh, though being inside does make it easier to control lighting, angles, etc.

Smoke and mirrors, my friends, smoke and mirrors...

--

Work sucks. That's a given, I suppose, otherwise it wouldn't be work. It would be fun, which is much easier on the tongue. A new employee has been flaking out on us, and I've had to rearrange schedules at the last moment. With most of the others on vacation, that really only leaves me to pick up the slack. I haven't had a single freakin' day off in three weeks now. And worse, I was expecting those days off, only to have it snached away at the last moment.

That's always the worse.

4/12/2006

Back, back, waaaaay back. Back before 'The Transition Project', there was 'Lara's Page for Transgendered Teens' which I started around February, 2000. It was hosted on gurlpages, and the site has long been down.

On a whim, I decided to see if I could find it with Archive.org, and voila, there it was in all it's humiliating glory. Some of the pages are broken, including the Photos section, but what was there left a bad taste in my mouth.

Allow me to sum up the site:

"OMG, like, I use Wet n' Wild lip balm and Pond's Foaming Cleanser! Like, here's some Adventures I've had as Lara! I read about these make-up tips in a book so you should totally listen to me! Like, don't forget to email me! OMG, the new issues of Seventeen and CosmoGirl is out!"

Jesus Christ. I can't believe how smarmy and enthusiastic and...happy I was back then. Those were some of the worst years of my life. What the hell was I so happy about? It's enough to make me sick.

So it got me thinking- I had just turned seventeen, but reading that dribble, you'd think a twelve year old wrote it. And in a way, starting out on the long road of transition, I was like a twelve year old girl, just beginning to take the first steps toward womanhood.

I'm sure there's room for some sort of psychological analysis in there someplace.

But anyway, here it is- Don't forget the Vomit Bags:

Lara's Page for Transgendered Teens

So this whole picture business is actually kind of fun. Flickr makes it easy too, by being able to send the pics directly to my Flickr account via my cell. Heh, I was actually thinking about posting a couple of the pseudo dirty/kinky pics I took, though I hardly consider kissing a glow-in-the-dark dildo kinky, per se.

I've grown up a little since beginning this whole "Transition Project" thing, but I've usually kept the sexual side of things seperate. Though, I seem to recall mentioning in the Sidekick Blog an awakening desire to be tied up. I also hinted at a little self-bondage experimentation. Now that would make quite a picture, though that ground is well travelled, it seems: TranniesinTrouble.com

Ha, and people say I'm a prude. Course, it might come back to haunt me during my run for President...

Anyway, the point is that this blog is an extension of my life, and therefore has to grow with me. I'm not going to censor myself down to PG-13 for some imaginary Tween audience, so when the mood strikes me, heck, maybe I will get "kinky".

But don't expect 'H0tZ sH3MaLe pR0n!'.

...

At least, not for free.

;)

4/10/2006

On Photographs:



I am honestly surprised that I started getting email almost immediatly upon 'My Return'. It's nice knowing that I'm not just talking to myself. Most of it was the usual Welcome Back and Advice stuff, but a pretty big chunk have something particular on their minds- Pictures!

True, I haven't updated the pics for what, three years now? Well, there's a few good-to-me-but-not-really-that-good reasons. First off, besides my hair, I look almost exactly the same. Maybe a little thinner, too. Eesh, is that even possible? The power of Ramen...

Also, with all the moving I've lost my digital camera. Though, it's probably time to get another one anyway. For a "Kid of the Future" 1.3 megapixels just doesn't cut it. Next time, I'm going for at least 5. I'm looking into the Optio WP.

And finally, as long-time readers know, I'm just not comfortable with my appearance. I've always hated to see pictures of me, as I know better than anyone all my phsical faults, so they always leap out at me.

Which is why I had decided not to post any more pics till after I had my cosmetic surgery next year.

HAD, being the operative word. I DO have a cameraphone, and let's just say I was feeling a little frisky and I was having a RELATIVELY good-face day, so, one thing led to another, and a Photo Shoot was born.

These come courtesy of a FREE camera phone people, so don't expect quality. They're not all QUITE as blurry as this, though.

Just a teaser...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynical-tg/

4/07/2006

I'll be delaying my Vacation by a couple of months. I've decided to go to school during the Summer semester to help make up for all the time I've wasted. Did I mention I'm twenty-fricken'-three already? Jesus. As the joint paint I've been experiencing all day can attest to, I'm not getting any younger.

Not yet, anyway, though I'm expecting anti-aging therapies within the next 30 years or so. Funny, I've always thought of this whole 'Life' thing in a "Damned if you do, Damned if you Don't" kind of way.

On the one hand, the mere concept of Not Existing throws my mind into a tailspin whenever I think about it in length, a kind of neural feedback loop that culminates in an oppressive panic that can usually only be broken by a bit of Vodka and surfing my way through the various webcomics I read. Penny-Arcade, anyone?

But on the other hand, the concept of Eternal Life, be it technological or spirtual, seems, in my broken brain, just as paralyzing. I mean, sure, the first million billion years might be great, but the honeymoon has to end sometime, right?

And then what?

So I suppose if science does bring us unlimited rejuvenation, the best way to have my cake and eat it too would be to erase my memory and start all over.


Hmm...there might be a novel in there somewhere...



And my therapist says I think (read: Obsess) too much.



P.S. You know, thanks to 'BootCamp', my next computer might just be a Mac. Way to go, Apple!

4/06/2006


Well, it's April. About a year ago, my pet cat Sammy passed away.

It was right before I took my first visit back to Florida to see the family, and Sammy was diagnosed with Cancer, and was put down by the vet. At least he didn't die alone- Mom was besides him the whole time.

I remember writing this really long eulogy-like entry after Mom called and told me what happend, but this was right when my Sidekick crapped out and the text was lost in the digital ether. It seems phony to try and reproduce it, but the main point was Sammy was a good cat, a good friend, and I miss him.

I miss the way the way he would hop up on my lap while I was at the computer, and if I looked down at him he'd sit up and rub his head against my cheek.

Or when I went to bed, no matter where he was in the house, I just had to make a 'tsk-tsk-tsk' sound and he'd run in and make himself comfortable at the foof of the bed, or the back of my shins when I slept on my stomach.



Rest in peace, Sammy. I miss you.

4/02/2006

A lull in entries is a good thing. It means my life is in the midst of rare moments of tranquility, a plateu of Emotional Stability.

So, I took my test, and I did alright.

Yay.

I've come to enjoy Sundays in San Francisco. Technically, it's my only day off from work, but being on call 24/7 puts a bit of a damper on the Day of Rest. Still, it's nice to sleep in a little, take a walk downtown, go to the bookstore...

...

God, I'm boring when I'm calm. Hopefully next entry I'll be more angsty/upset/panicked/etc

;)