Ugh, why? Why do I just attract drama, like some sort of love-starved parasitic pubby slug? I didn't even do anything.

I have this coworker who I trained. Now, I know she has/had a crush on me. But, being her boss, I'm nothing if not professional. Which was probably the problem in the first place.

I joked with her a couple of times, and you know me, 'joking' is something I have to force myself to do in order to pretend that I can 'fit in'. So anyway, she wants to talk in private and we go to my office. (I've got an office?!)

To make a long story short, she said that she respects my professionalism, but that I'm like two different people. That after I get off of work, I'm a little more laid back. But when I joke while I'm at work, she thinks I'm being serious. Now, I'm not going to go into exactly what the joke was, but it was so inane it couldn't have possibly been taken seriously.

(And also, in my defense, I'm a little more 'laid back' after work because I tend to drink myself silly.)

So anyway, we talked, and I said that the best course of action was just to be polite and professional, and we shouldn't joke around anymore. She agreed.

So yesterday, it was my day off but I'm living here now so I got called into action for a bit, tracking down some missing money and having to deal with a thousand different things. Apparently this coworker said Hi and I missed it, but I couldn't miss the "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just talking to myself" comment as she walked away.

Now later when things calmed down I apologized for the misunderstanding, but jeez, it just bugs me. This woman is 31 for crying aloud, and she's acting like a teenager. I'm 'only' 23 now, but jesus, sometimes I feel as old as the grave.


Anyway, I got that Palm Z22 and so far it's been great. I copied over all my analog notes, and I really think it'll help me focus more. Plus I have something to keep contact numbers handy, instead of carrying around tons of business cards.

I had a "Wow, the future is here!" moment when I laid the PDA down next to my laptop and *fwish*, a window popped up on my computer asking what files I wanted to transfer to the PDA through the Infrared Port.

'Course, IR is old technology, but still, it took me three hours just to get a Bluetooth connection between my laptop and cellphone up and running. It wasn't *FWISH*. Now if Wireless USB can pull that off, I'll stop construction on that Time Machine and be happy with the year I'm in.


Not much happening, just same ole' same ole'. This whole eviction really was a wake up call, pointing out how stagnant my life has become. A year went *POOF*. Vanished, just like that. So lately I'm trying to get everything back on track, focusing more on the longterm. And somehow, getting organized seems to be equivalent with spending lots of money. At least for me, anyway.

My Dell Axim X5 got smashed in a car door almost a year ago now, so I've been without a Personal Digital Assistant. Rather than fulfill my gadget cravings and splurge on a device that's a mp3/movie player/dvd/game console/web browser/organizer/etc, I'm just going to go with a basic Palm z22. Retail Cost $99.

Inexpensive but reliable, judging from the reviews. The lack of an SD expansion port hurts, (more than anyone could ever know...) but 20mb is fine for reading a few Cory Doctorow novels and replacing my analog memo pad.

So that should help me keep track of things, because if I don't write it down, it's just gone. (Eesh, it's all downhill from 23.)

On the Transgendered Side of things, I still haven't had any cosmetic surgery. Now that I'm making kajillions of dollars (compared to Virginia minimum wage, anyway) I've restarted my quest for a local surgeon. A little nose work, a tad of trachea reduction, and I think that can hold me over for twenty years or so, when surgery will be done on a microscopic scale by nanomachines. Then the sky's the limit.

Ah, yeah, and in other news I gave my Dad $500 to enter a Blackjack tournament. I did say I was going to pay him back...


I got an email back from the girls I met with the other day. They found someone else to move in. Bah, rejected again. Probably for the best, that commute would have sucked anyway.

So, I continue to check the listings daily.

Not much going on, really. Nothing really 'blogworthy' anyway that I haven't already pounded into the ground.

Today's my day off, and I just want to relax. Ugh, I'm in a rut.

When I get like this, I just want to pack my bag and head off for greener pastures. I've got the money, but I know I have to face the 'real world' and stick around for awhile. I've gotta pay my taxes, clear my credit card debt, fly my mom and sisters out here for a visit, finish that freakin' degree...

Heh, so this is what being responsible feels like. Blah.


I met with some girls yesterday about their room for rent. It's nice and all, and they seem cool, but it's further away than I would like. About a forty minute bus ride from my work. And it's a little bit more expensive, too.

With the extra rent, utilities, and monthly bus pass I'll need, it's about $160 more a month than I'm used to. I can afford it, of course. I just like to put a certain amount in savings every month.

After I got back 'home', I was looking forward to relaxing and watching 'Early Edition', one of my favorite shows which I just discovered reruns on a cable network. (It's about a guy in Chicago who gets tomorrow's newspaper, today.) Around 7:30pm 'Amy' texts me, wanting to meet for dinner at one of my favorite Vietnamese restaurants.

I debated with myself for about ten minutes. I didn't want to go, I had already eaten, and I really don't think we can still be friends. But on the other hand I'm not one to just push away olive branches, and I figured I could get something to go and eat it later.

So we were supposed to meet there at 8:15, and I decided to walk even though it was freezing out. At 8:10 she calls me up and decides that she wants to meet somewhere else, another twenty minute walk from where I already was. And that, my friends, is a classic 'Amy' Bitch Move.

Now for the year I lived with her, this happened alot, but I always walked that extra mile. A lot of times I would force myself to go out with her, just to make her happy.

This time, though, I just said 'Raincheck' and turned around and headed home (After getting some soup to go.) There's no reason to put up with that. Honestly, I think she does it on purpose as some sort of 'Fuck you'.

Ugh, well anyway...


Ah, Valentine's Day. Actually, it wasn't so depressing. I mean, sure, I'm alone, but if these lasts few months have taught me anything, it's that I'm not totally undesirable. Boundless oppurtunities await, just walking down the stret.

And that's not just the vodka grape talking, that's an evolving backbone, a spark of self-confidence, if you will.

I've decided not to live at the hotel. Sure, the rent would probably be cheap, and my commute to work would be the envy of all, but, you know, I'm uncomfortable with the whole "shitting where you eat" thing. (Pardon my French)

Since I can't get my own apartment, I'm just checking out people who are renting rooms, and I've found a couple of good leads. I'm interviewing for them tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes.

Oh god, it's been awhile since I've had a good drink. I've cut back a lot, but there's been so much stress lately. I fell off the wagon with the whole quit smoking thing, lasted for weeks, right up until I got thrown out and was racked with stomach cramps that only smoking seemed to relieve.

Ugh, people are scum. No offense. I was probably better off on my own, and that's why I'm not depressed on this V-day. I'm choosing to be alone, f ofnly to catch my bearings.


So I've said some mean things about 'Amy', even before this whole eviction thing. The truth is that for almost a year there, she was my best friend, and I'm greatful for that. I guess what had me so upset was she didn't seem to care about me as much as I had cared about her.

I forgot to mention that she recently sent me a text message, saying that even though she didn't care for my "lady friend", she still worries and cares and thinks about me.

Damn her. It's like the Thanksgiving we had together, where we listed the things we were greatful for, and had an argument 10 minutes later about how secretive I am, and how I don't talk about my past.

Than later that night, she sent me a text that said she forgot to mention that I'm on her list of things she's greatful for, which of course made me feel like a complete ass.

So, I don't know if she says these nice things after the fact out of genuine caring, or if it's some sort of subtle manipulation. Lately, I've been leaning towards the latter. I mean, she said some horrible things to me the night of the eviction, knowing all my shortcomings and vulnerable spots and tearing through them like a rabid dog.

And the next day, suddenly she cares and worries about me?

Maybe she got what she wanted, because after 'Erica' and I had broke up I felt guilty enough to write 'Amy' an email and apologize, asking for a second chance.

After I sent it though, I really thought hard and everything she said to me that night came flooding back, and so I wrote a second email saying to disregard the first one, and that this was for the best.

The next day she wrote back, that she'd like to go to Borders together sometime when her school schedule settled down.

I can't help but feel that it's a trap, a way to lure me back into her web. So, I'm closing that chapter of my life and saying goodbye to her. Right now, I'm focusing on graduating and saving money, than getting the Hell out of here for a while.

I love San Francisco, and will return, but there's a few things I need to get out of the way first.


Damn, I forgot how catchy the 'Ranma 1/2' theme is. I found this site called mobile17 that lets you send in an mp3 file, and it emails your cellphone and lets you download the mp3 as a ringtone.

I've fulfilled my lifelong dream of getting the 'Metal Gear Solid' theme on my phone. (I'm such a geek) Next up, 'Super Mario Bros', 'Dr. Mario', and maybe the 'Love Hina' opening.

And of course, ocremix.org is just calling to me...

Since I'm just letting it all hang out, I should tell you I have two big collectible passions: Watches and Sunglasses. For watches, there's few places better than Tokyoflash. And even though I should be saving as much money as possible, considering my somewhat unstable circumstances, this watch will be mine.

Oh yes, it will be mine...


Well, back to reality. The boss still hasn't talked to me about living here. I've just been staying for free so far, which is fine, but sooner or later I'll have to work something out and I'd rather not sit around waiting for the inevitable.

So I finally cornered him and he said we'd talk about it tomorrow. The bottom line is I can't afford the $800 it takes to stay here (WITH the employee discount), so I'm going to try and talk him down to half that by being 'on call' 24/7.

I got a little taste of that earlier when I was trying to relax, trying on some new clothes, when I got a knock on the door from the person working the desk at the moment. The guy in 463 was having trouble with his tv, so I got tasked into fixing it.

It'll be a pain, but whatever. Pay me and shelter me, and I shall follow.

I've taken to watching a few shows on TV, rather than downloading them since I don't have a broadband connection in the room. I haven't watched 'TV' for almost a year now. It's almost a novelty, not being able to pause or rewind and having to wait for commercials. Heh, I bet that will get old fast.


Just got back from the Final Destination 3 screening. Though I don't think it's as good as the first two, I still enjoyed it. Lot of gore, lot of jump out of your seat moments. It was a free screening, where you could download the passes from the internet, on a first-come first-serve basis.

The screening was at 7 and I arrived around 5, and already the line stretched almost to the fourth floor of the Metreon. Wish I had brought my laptop, the building has an open WiFi network. Ah well.

Well, in other news, 'Erica' and I had a fight. I try to think that the eviction was for the best, but jeez, I was comfortable there. And now I'm living in a hotel where the only WiFi is in the lobby. (t3h h0rr0z!) So maybe I resent it a little. So maybe when I accidentally did something to offend 'Erica', and she wanted an apology, I said that maybe I wanted an apology too.

That started a mutual landslide of mudslinging, so to speak. So right now, I don't know where we stand. I do care about her, I want to help her get her life back on track, but I can't deny that the more I've tried to help her, the more my own life seems to have slid downhill. Does that make me selfish? Maybe.

I try to be a positive influence for her, to help her find work and lose some of her 'addicting' habits... If I knew she was at least making an effort to change for the better, like she says she wants, I'd be right by her side the whole way.

Ah well. Whatever happens, happens. I need to focus on climbing out of this hole I'm in, first, which will give me sure footing to lend a helping hand. (Jeez, Analogy Night at the Apollo...)


Well, that was good. I had my sushi, but there wasn't any movies playing worth watching. It was nice, just sitting at a quiet table alone, having some Unagi Rolls while nursing warm sake.

I've always prefered to spend my birthdays alone (or maybe I've just grown accustomed to it), but I enjoyed the call from Mom and my little sisters wishing me a happy birthday. They were a little distracted, reading Teen Titan fics at fanfiction.net. They're so freakin' cute.

Heh, it's almost hilarious. The bank, after I waited in line for almost an hour, just told me to call customer service to handle the problem. Ha.

So it turns out I can't file a fraud claim until the charges are posted. Right now, they're just 'Pending'. So the bank cancelled the card and said to call back in a few days to file a claim. It's only about a $170, including the insufficent funds fee that I'll be charged. (I transfer about 80% of my paychecks to my Savings Account- Asia, here I come {eventually}!)

Anyway, I'm not going to let it get me down. Today's my Birthday! The big Two-Three. Yup.

God I'm old.

Anyhoo, I'm working right now, but I think I'll head over to Japantown later to get some sushi and warm sake from my favorite restaurant, and maybe I'll use one of those Free AMC passes to see a movie. Sometimes, when things aren't going exactly the way you'd like, you've just got to appreciate the little things...


The Plot Thickens...

So, imagine my surprise when I log onto my Bank of America account and see all these charges popping up that I never made. After thinking about it a moment, I think I know what happened.

I had one of those keychain sized Visa cards that I never used, it was just sitting in my room. And it might have been in that bag that was stolen last night.

It's amazing, the domino effect. How one small action can trigger a chain of events that, say, has you thrown out of your home and some scumbag spending your cash all over town.

Well, off to the bank I go to get this all straightened out.

Well, I'm sort of moved out. 'Sort of' because I left a lot of junk behind: magazines, newspapers, electronic parts, a tv, a few old computers, etc. Let's just say I'm not enthusiastic about clearing out the rest. Call me crazy, but she kicked me out with only a moments notice and kept my $600. She can clear out the garbage herself, the FUCKING CUNT.


This whole ordeal, though, really made me realize a few things. Material possesions aren't everything. When the chips are down, all your pretty things are just dead weight.

I didn't have anyone to help, so I was just carrying my stuff and setting it in the hallway out front. After it's all cleared out, I start carrying the bags downstairs. That's when I notice one (and now that I think about it, maybe two) bags are missing. It's a building of fucking thieves. Jesus.

So, I'm pretty sure my PSP, with 512mb memory card and games, is gone. But, you know, it's not that big a deal. It's just stuff. (My laptop is fine, btw. This baby goes with me everywhere. 'Lisa' is not stuff, she's an extension of my central nervous system.)

As I was hauling it all into the cab, I ran back upstairs to make sure I got everything I needed. I tossed the blanket off the bed and guess who popped out? I can't believe I almost forgot him! Jeez, I've had him since I was six.

So anway, we'll see how this all works out.


I was evicted. Well, no. Evicted doesn't quite describe it. "Thrown out" is more like it.

'Amy' got it in her head that 'Erica' had come by and used her restroom. She didn't, but she was in the building. We had gotten a pizza and were eating it in the laundry room. Taking some extra slices downstairs, I accidently spilled it all over the hall in front of 'my' door.

I ran back and forth, alternating between scooping it up, throwing it out in the trashcan in my room, and washing my hands.

From 'Amy's' prospective, she hears bathroom water running, looks out a moment later and sees me in my room, goes out the hall and sees 'Erica' at the other end visiting a friend who stays in the same building. Her conclusion: 'Erica' had used the restroom. 'Amy' calls me up and screams at me that I've got one hour to move my stuff out, and she's already throwing my stuff into the hall.

I tried to explain that I was planning on leaving April 1st anyway, but it fell on deaf ears. She wouldn't refund my rent or my deposit. Pretty convenient, I think. Now the whole rest of February is payed for, enough time to find someone to rent the room.

After a half hour, she calmed down enough to give me a $100 in return for the keys, and said I could get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.

So, that's all, she wrote. I'm at the hotel now, hoping I can work something out with the owner. So, Sunday, I've got a bunch of open houses to go to, I have to negotatiate an awkward arrangment with my boss, and I have to clear out a years worth of junk from 'my' room.

I guess 'Amy' wasn't content to just yell at me over the phone. About an hour and a half after my last post, she knocks on my door and tells me how serious she is about calling the cops, and that she'll kick me out like that *snap*. I stay calm, tell her that I know she's serious, she's a very serious lady. And then, because I'm that type, I tell her that she's overreacting. The reaction was predictable.

line 1 yell
line 2 scream
line 3 storm off and slam door

In the light of morning, I actually feel pretty good. I'm nothing if not resourceful. The places I've travelled to, the airports I've lived in, the homes and jobs I've found at the last moment... I can do this.

I've already got five apartment viewing appointments lined up for next week, with more on the way. Gotta love the internet.

Come April 1st, hopefully I'll have my "own" place (to rent).


I should probably space these out, to fit the whole "Almost Daily Updates" thing. But goddamn it, what's the point of all this if I can't use this blogger as my therapy?
Well, it didn't take long for things to come to a head. As I said earlier, my cellphone died, so when I get home at five, I plug it in and find I have a voicemail left at 4:30 from 'Amy'. A very upset 'Amy' who tells me that even though she's at school to call her back immediatly. So I do, and for some reason it keeps telling me the call cannot me completed, and to check the number.

I probably call a dozen times, because, obsessive personality again, I'm freaking out wondering what the Hell is wrong now. 'Erica' is cleaning up my room, and I'm pacing and wondering aloud and stressing out, eyeing my bottle of scotch a little too hungrily.

Finally, she calls me back. First, some backstory: 'Amy' has these windchimes over the apartment door, so that when one enters, they chime. It's part of a feng shui thing or something. 'Erica' was moving some stuff to storage, so she had to go in and out a lot last night. So, she took the chimes down so she wouldn't disturb anyone. And, horrors of horrors, she forgot to put them back up.

'Amy' is angry, Angry 'Amy', saying that she doesn't want my 'visitor' to come over anymore. I suppose I make the mistake of telling her that she's overreacting. For God's sake, it's not like 'Erica' is sacrificing goats and spraying blood on the walls for some satanic ritual. (I didn't say the part about the goat, just the overreacting.) Then 'Amy' starts screaming, saying how much she cares for me as a person, and in the same sentence telling me that if 'Erica' is there when she returns, she's calling the police and having us both arrested.

She stressed that part alot, saying she cares for me as a person. Probably, I'm guessing, a rehearsed phrase that is supposed to keep me from getting upset or something. I don't know. It's just fucking stupid. I just say Ok. I mean, the girl has me over a barrel and she knows it. I have no rights here. 'Amy' isn't even supposed to have any roommates. If the landlord asks, I'm her cousin visiting from out of town. I have no lease, no legal documents that say I reside here. So, there you go.

I help 'Erica' pack a bag, trying to keep her calm, but we both end up crying as I tell her we'll think of something. Pulling some strings that will probably get me in trouble if the owner finds out, I get 'Erica' a free room at the hotel I work at, a temporary respite at best. For now, at least, all is quiet and I have time to think.

I like it here. In a city of unbelievable property rates, I've got a cheap room in the heart of downtown, close to public transportation and within walking distance of some of my favorite hang outs. God, I knew 'Amy' was quirky. So am I. Everyone is, really. But, Jesus... she is fucking insane. I should have saw the warning signs. Too little, too late.

I like change. I do. But I like everything else to change. Cars that run on water, magic bullet cures for the sick, an economy based on human energy expended, not worthless pieces of paper. But me, I like my routines, my home. I don't like change when it's me. Ha, and here I am with my hatred of hypocrisy.

So, it seems that I need to find a new place. There's a thousand reasons to do so, and only a couple of personal reasons not to. I just feel so numb right now. I just want to forget about all this and watch "The Office" and go to bed. Which I will.

Tomorrow, in the cold light of day and this city's omnipresent morning fog, I'll face reality and think of something. It'll probably be some harebrained last minute ditch effort that I'm famous for, but rest assured, something will be done.

I have something of an obsessive personality. So when 'Amy' called me up at work with a new list of "complaints", I couldn't concentrate. So I asked someone to fill in for an hour while I went home to take care of it.

With the problem solved, I was on my way back when Mom called and we talked a little. Her theory is that 'Amy' is jealous, that all the attention I used to give to her has now been diverted to someone else. Regardless of whether 'Amy' has a boyfriend or not, "That's how women are." Mom says. All these complaints are supposedly and outlet for her jealousy. Well, I think that's totally ridiculous. 'Amy' thinks I'm a pathetic loser, and that's my expert empathic skills talking.

But whatever. My phone just died, and I feel much better, knowing that I can just get on with the workday without interruption.


High heels. I don't wear them. Being over six feet tall, I already have a tendency to stand out in a crowd. Even a scant two inch heel makes me feel like a towering Amazon. (Well, makes me feel even more so.)

So, I've never really worn them for length or practiced walking in them, which might have been a mistake. Maybe they can help make me a little more graceful so I'm not always tripping over myself.

I borrowed 'Erica's' four inch(!) platforms the other day and just went about some household chores, cleaning and whatnot. And it wasn't too bad. I'll have to work on the walk, but I didn't fall down. Though they made me ridiculously tall, I still, I don't know, felt a little sexy in em'. lol, that's a first...

I don't think I'm going to start wearing heels outside, but I've always found the idea of 'Intimate Relations' while wearing them kind of, well, hot. I should give that a try sometime...


Well, that didn't last very long. A new lists of complaints from 'Amy' greeted me when I checked my cellphone. About ten texts, which could have been summed up in a 30 second voicemail if she was so inclined.

What bugs me is that these 'infractions' are so freakin' minor. Using the wrong bottle of conditioner ('Amy's'), leaving some clothes in the bathroom, smoking in the stairwell... Apparently my "lady friend is very inconsiderate".

Now, when 'Amy's' "Guy Friend" climbed in through my window while I was away on vacation, breaking my curtain rod and violating my privacy, did I raise a stink when I found out? Did I make a peep about their 3am screaming arguments when I'm trying to sleep before work?

Bah! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's hypocrisy. But it is her apartment, so her rules go. So, I continue to bite my tongue.


The fucking bitch.

During a round of pillow talk, 'Erica' and I briefly discussed the possibility of moving, finding our own apartment. Of course, it wouldn't be for a while, assuming we were even still together. But lately I've begun to realized how much I can't stand 'Amy', and have questioned my attraction to her in the first place. Like I said, it must have been the hottness factor. There's no other way to explain it.