God, I really, really hate my dad.

A couple of months ago we kind of had a falling out. Apparently I 'misunderstood' something he said and when I related it to mom, he went all ballistic and called me up, saying that I'm trying to fuck him over and make his life miserable, and how Mom's side of the story, her word has always been gospel. "From god's lips to your years."

That I've always taken her side since I was 8 years old. Well, there's a reason for that: That was when I started to realize what a fucking prick he was.

I had taken that conversation as an unofficial severing of ties, and that was that. But he just called me again. Apparently mom had asked him for money, and he calls me up to wonder why she needs it.

And I said that she's in the black every month, and child support (which he doesn't pay, but he claims otherwise) would really help. So then he goes off on me.

Yes, dad has helped me out of a couple of financial jams. He gave me some money to get started in San Francisco, which I greatly appreciated. But to fling it back in my face... what does mom needing money have to do with him giving me money a year and a half ago? That just proves to me what I always knew, that he only helps people out so he'll have something to hang over their head when it's convient for him.

So I told him to stop it, and I was just going to pay him back and be done with it. He started screaming at that, saying that wasn't the point. And I told him he'd get his money and I didn't want him calling me again. I hung up at that point, his screams still echoing from the speaker as I snapped the cellphone closed.

I said once, in a very old diary posting, that I wasn't ready to say "I have no Father." Well, hey, I do, and I can't change that.

But I am completly cutting off all ties with him, and I don't feel any emotions whatsoever about doing so. What makes it difficult, though, is that by extension, I won't be able to talk to my brothers (who live with him in Las Vegas.)

They have my email addy though. If they want to get in touch, they will. Truth be told though, I'm not holding my breath. Since they moved in with Dad they've practically become different people, and not for the better, I think. Sure, they're not axe murderers, but I can see the beginning of some of Dad's worst traits taking root.

It does make me somewhat nostalgic of the simpler times. Back after Dad had moved out, and it was Me, Mom, the boys and the girls. All together under one roof. Heh, I miss those days.

But we grow up, move apart, and suddenly, everything is different and all we have are our memories...

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