Frequent Updates*

* Frequent? Ha! Maybe in the geological sense of the word...

I shall make up for it, with LENGTH!

Anyhoo, so what have I been up to? Well first, I'm addicted to a show I found through iTunes- "Dexter". I had never heard of it before. It's about a serial killer, but he's a good guy! Kind of. I guess maybe he's an Anti-Hero? Anyway, doesn't matter.

Good stuff. It's only $1.99 an episode. Treat yourself!

So on Saturday I stayed up all night playing World of Warcraft, of all things. Two years and I'm only level 29. Hehe, yeah.... What can I say, I'm an Alt-aholic. I have a 'main' character and every few level ups I get bored and start a new one. But I've been trying to focus on one lately.

('Solona' on the Spinebreaker server, if anyone's interested. Feel free to donate your gold to see a Gnome wearing goggles shake her booty.)

There's a point to this story, kind of. So I stayed up into early Sunday, not getting to bed til' 9am. Slept in to 2pm, and then, because it was such a nice day, I thought I'd take a walk. Sometimes when money is low and I'm not quite sure what I want to do, I just start walking, alone with my thoughts. And my iPhone.

I ended up close to the restaurant I used to work at.


Most of my restaurant experience was chronicled in the HipTop Archives, in the right sidebar. As I'm writing this post I reread December, 2004. Wow, what a rollercoaster ride that month was.

I moved to downtown San Francisco, and 'Amy' and I had just started seeing each other. (Man, I was pretty damned naive.) And that was also my first Christmas away from the family.

Re-reading that stuff, I like to feel like I'm moving forward, evolving... Sometimes I find myself making the same mistakes, but occasionally I do learn. I mean, Jesus, I used to write stuff like this?:

It just really occurred to me that for the past year, I haven't had a single offline friend, and for the five before that, I only had one- who didn't even treat me that well.

That's really disheartening, ya know? Socialization is one of the fundamental aspects of human society, hard-wired into our brains and DNA. It feels like I'm a failure as a human being, for christs sake.

So when I got home I cried into my pillow for an hour, and soon after the anxiety attack occurred (and it's not really over, I still feel it, just not quite as bad).

I think I just have to face facts: I'm a loner, or even more likely, not a very likable person. I've been trying to force myself to escape that mindset, and it's only proven to be detrimental.

The funny thing is that I had an entry I forgot to post the other day, [Where's my Gold Star?!] congratulating myself on how it's been a long time since I've wanted to jump into a tub of scalding water and take a razor to my wrists.

Ah well.

If I just go back to not caring or thinking about it, I should be ok. Maybe it's a step backwards, sure, but it's a step back to where I belong.

I mean, Fuck, I want to slap the person who wrote that. How much (and how little) can change in three years...

So anyway, I was just seeing if I ever mentioned a restaurant coworker that's relevant to this entry, which led me to reread that archive, which made me feel melancholy and reflective, which lead to this tangent.

*--------------------END TANGENT-------------------------*

I had a tiny crush on this coworker at the restaurant, 'Weena', but I was such a total introvert back than it never went anywhere.

So, back in the present now, I ended up there and she was actually working. I've gone back every few months since I quit 2.5 years ago, and every time the number of familiar faces dwindled, and I never saw Weena. I figured she quit.

Well, here's to second chances. I tried to muster up every social trick I learned. We chatted a bit, and, since she was about to go on break, she joined me for lunch. What can I say? It was a pleasant conversation. I was eating outside and it started to get cold, so I made my preparations to leave and she asked for my number. No big deal, I guess. I was about to ask for hers.

Wow, how far I've come...

Well, I'll let you know how that one goes. Oh, and Stacia called me. We're getting a burrito. Ta ta!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good luck!! And there's nothing wrong with being happy upfront, saves time later. :)