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12/11/2008

I Need More Than 140 Characters Today

So as I said, today was my first day off in awhile.

I wanted to just stay home in bed, but 'Jewels' needed to be picked up from the hospital, plus a friend wanted me to meet her for lunch, so I hauled my butt into a cab and got Jewels and took her to lunch with me.

All in all not too bad, but my self-esteem suffered a few blows. First there was a little girl scout or something trying to hawk her merchandise, asking me if I liked "Ladies Perfume".

Than there was the group of guys having a loud "debate" of 'Is He or isn't She'.

And finally some teenage gangbangers following me hollering a chorus of 'Look at that Dude!' (The ringleader actually had the nerve to ask me for a cigarette afterwards, and when I said 'No' called me a Fucking Bitch.

Ahhhh, San Francisco, Land of Tolerance.

A little while ago I was telling Shana about a guy who asked me out but I got stood up and never heard from him again. I Theorized that he probably Jacked Off and came back to his senses.

Shana joked that "It's not easy being a tranny." "No," I replied. "It's really not." Which was probably a more honest response than she was expecting.

It's not. This world can be a cruel, dark place, and I really understand when girls like Johnny Boy vent like this:

http://tinyurl.com/69ptes

I'm a pretty cynical person. I expected my life to be like this, and lived it anyway. Some people say that's courageous. I don't know- I certainly don't feel that brave.

I really have to force myself to not get angry, to try to understand where my "critics" are coming from. My getting upset doesn't solve anything.

Well, I don't know where this is going. I just have to live my life, let others live theirs, and hope some people will give me the same respect.

3 comments:

maizzy said...

Hi Lara,
OK, will make myself known, hee...
Been reading on and off your blog for a few months now... I think that you have the right and as anyone to be who you are. I wish you the best of luck. You are totally a beautiful girl/woman!

As for those buggers that say crap to you. Ignore them. They're freaken' close minded a-holes that know nothing and should go back to school to get educated to realize that everyone has the right to be who they are. Aahh, gets under my skin when I hear of any injustice or disrespect on peoples styles of lives. Sorry 'bout the rant.

Thank your for sharing the link of JohnyBoy. She seems so depress, made me cry of how she feels about no guy out there loving her. She doesn't realize that there are men out there who will love her. She just needs to look a little harder then the average woman. She will find someone for sure.

I'm a straight woman with a 100Zill% open mind. I believe everyone has the right to live their life the way they chose it. I think I'm this way because I have lid most of my life where being gay or straight doesn't really matter.

Does this seem too weird coming from a stranger. Sorry...

Take care,
Maizzy

Michal said...

Jeez...that angers me, the intolerance and disrespect that certain people have. Sigh.

Maybe this would make it worse, but have you ever thought of videotaping people like those teenagers in the act?

jenniferwaykew said...

look at the positive he called you a bitch he could have called you a tranny or a fag, finding the up side to a bad situation or a kick to your self esteem sometimes cushions the impact when you get knocked of the horse. kids like that girl scout are just exstreamly observant its hard to pull one over on a child, kids have real honesty i admire that trait in them when ever I'm read by a kid i ask them what makes them think I'm a boy (they usally tell you) then i set to work fixing it. With the guys and their little debate in my exsperiance and threw talking with my therapist guys who normally read an attractive trans woman have a conditioned eye for it because they are either a closet homosexual or a closet admirer/trannychaser kinda like gaydar so when they are in a group of their friends to throw heat of them selves they join in a round of bash the tgirl isolate any one of them from their group and they usally don't have an efing thing to say and you might be surprized at how many of the most vocal ones about it try to pick you up when no one else is looking i know i was. your like me in away we look as far from a boy as a girl that was born a boy can look just sometimes we run into those people that have a slightly sharper eye that catch things we miss "we fool most people most of the time but we cant fool all the people all the time" so buck up kiddo if you pass 98% of the time your doing outstandingly well