Mmmm

Stacia disclosed her fears to me over a possible medical ailment. She called me up crying, and I did my best to try and make her feel better, which wasn't much at all.

I've never been good at that, or emotional situations in general. I always feel awkward when people start crying. A part of me kept saying I should hug her, or something, but I couldn't bring myself to.

Not that I didn't want to, I just had visions that it would be stiff and seem fake, and insincerity certainly wouldn't make me feel any better. So we just talked and I tried my best to at least be there.

I guess she wanted more though, as she called me up around 1:30AM the other night, asking me to come over. That late at night, it's hard for me to get anywhere, so I suggested she ride her bike over to me.

Jeez, I'm a bitch...

Anyway, so she got there and after changing into some of my sweats we went to bed. I could tell she must have still been scared because she actually wanted to sleep in bed with me. (I had tossed her a spare blanket and pillow. Yeah, I know how to treat a lady.)

After a bit of laying in darkness she asked me to pet her head. An odd request, I thought, but I obliged, running my fingers through her hair. She made a point of promising she wasn't coming on to me, she just needed some comforting.

So after awhile when my hand got tired, she started inching closer to me, before asking me to put my arms around her and cuddle. Again, a promise she wasn't coming on to me. (There's a back story to all this, I guess. Ages ago we had a fight that lead to me saying how I wasn't attracted to her anymore, but because she was so hot I might have gone a little out of my way to annoy her just to "prove" it. That makes sense, if you use elementary school logic.)

And that's how we went to sleep. And damn her, as almost clinical as all that was, it actually sparked some sort of feelings in me that I'm still trying to work out. I never fantasize about sex that much. I tend to actually enjoy the kissing and cuddling more. So for me, this was a pretty intimate event.

She'll be going to the Hospital this week, and I offered to go with her. And she invited me to stay over at her place the night before. So we'll see what happens there. My money is on us having a big fight that completely extinguishes any spark I may or may not feel. One of the few things I've learned is the pendulum swings both ways.