Frequent Updates*

* Frequent? Ha! Maybe in the geological sense of the word...

I shall make up for it, with LENGTH!


Anyhoo, so what have I been up to? Well first, I'm addicted to a show I found through iTunes- "Dexter". I had never heard of it before. It's about a serial killer, but he's a good guy! Kind of. I guess maybe he's an Anti-Hero? Anyway, doesn't matter.

Good stuff. It's only $1.99 an episode. Treat yourself!

So on Saturday I stayed up all night playing World of Warcraft, of all things. Two years and I'm only level 29. Hehe, yeah.... What can I say, I'm an Alt-aholic. I have a 'main' character and every few level ups I get bored and start a new one. But I've been trying to focus on one lately.

('Solona' on the Spinebreaker server, if anyone's interested. Feel free to donate your gold to see a Gnome wearing goggles shake her booty.)

There's a point to this story, kind of. So I stayed up into early Sunday, not getting to bed til' 9am. Slept in to 2pm, and then, because it was such a nice day, I thought I'd take a walk. Sometimes when money is low and I'm not quite sure what I want to do, I just start walking, alone with my thoughts. And my iPhone.

I ended up close to the restaurant I used to work at.

*TANGENT AHEAD- SKIP PAST IF YOU LIKE CONTINUOUS NARRATIVE!*

Most of my restaurant experience was chronicled in the HipTop Archives, in the right sidebar. As I'm writing this post I reread December, 2004. Wow, what a rollercoaster ride that month was.

I moved to downtown San Francisco, and 'Amy' and I had just started seeing each other. (Man, I was pretty damned naive.) And that was also my first Christmas away from the family.

Re-reading that stuff, I like to feel like I'm moving forward, evolving... Sometimes I find myself making the same mistakes, but occasionally I do learn. I mean, Jesus, I used to write stuff like this?:

It just really occurred to me that for the past year, I haven't had a single offline friend, and for the five before that, I only had one- who didn't even treat me that well.

That's really disheartening, ya know? Socialization is one of the fundamental aspects of human society, hard-wired into our brains and DNA. It feels like I'm a failure as a human being, for christs sake.

So when I got home I cried into my pillow for an hour, and soon after the anxiety attack occurred (and it's not really over, I still feel it, just not quite as bad).

I think I just have to face facts: I'm a loner, or even more likely, not a very likable person. I've been trying to force myself to escape that mindset, and it's only proven to be detrimental.

The funny thing is that I had an entry I forgot to post the other day, [Where's my Gold Star?!] congratulating myself on how it's been a long time since I've wanted to jump into a tub of scalding water and take a razor to my wrists.

Ah well.

If I just go back to not caring or thinking about it, I should be ok. Maybe it's a step backwards, sure, but it's a step back to where I belong.

I mean, Fuck, I want to slap the person who wrote that. How much (and how little) can change in three years...

So anyway, I was just seeing if I ever mentioned a restaurant coworker that's relevant to this entry, which led me to reread that archive, which made me feel melancholy and reflective, which lead to this tangent.

*--------------------END TANGENT-------------------------*

I had a tiny crush on this coworker at the restaurant, 'Weena', but I was such a total introvert back than it never went anywhere.

So, back in the present now, I ended up there and she was actually working. I've gone back every few months since I quit 2.5 years ago, and every time the number of familiar faces dwindled, and I never saw Weena. I figured she quit.

Well, here's to second chances. I tried to muster up every social trick I learned. We chatted a bit, and, since she was about to go on break, she joined me for lunch. What can I say? It was a pleasant conversation. I was eating outside and it started to get cold, so I made my preparations to leave and she asked for my number. No big deal, I guess. I was about to ask for hers.

Wow, how far I've come...

Well, I'll let you know how that one goes. Oh, and Stacia called me. We're getting a burrito. Ta ta!

Easy life

I take my quiet moments where I can find them. I was unwinding with
some WoW in our common area when one of our neighbors dropped in to
use the bathroom.

He commented that I had an easy life.

I didn't say anything, but I did dwell on it for awhile.

I'm not starving. I'm not being forced to go to war or anything. But
it strikes me as presumptuous, at best, to say that to someone.

East? The other day I stood between a guy and his wife to stop him
from beating her. I get death threats from crackheads when I try and
enforce the rules around here.

A guy died in front of me because I didn't call an ambulance in time.

Not to mention my fucked up personal life.

So yeah, I can afford to treat myself to fancy gadgets now and than,
but I wouldn't exactly say things have been Easy.

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Sent from my iPhone

Whoda thunk it?

On a lighter note, I was having lunch solo at a Thai restaurant. I was
sitting besides a table with a group of girls that couldn't have been
more than 16.

My iPhones earbuds were firmly in place but at the moment I wasn't
listening to anything.

Soon after I was seated I saw them glancing at me out of the corner of
my eye. "Oh boy," I thought, resigning myself to the taunts. Teenage
girls can be pretty cruel towards TGs.

What had to be the 'leader', being the prettiest and blondest of the
gaggle, leaned towards her group and whispered "She's so hot!"

"Yeah, totally!" And then they went back to talking about American
Idol or whatever teenage girls talk about.

I was floored. Only in San Francisco...

So, needless to say, I had a nice lunch.

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Sent from my iPhone

Feelin' Philosophical

I'm not sure if this is a widespread thing or not, but in san
francisco I've noticed alot of old buildings they've torn down, but
left the 'front' intact. The classical stone architecture hides the
Forever 21 or the H&M within.

I wonder what that says about us, that as long as the shell remains,
the facade, it doesn't matter wether the soul is gone.

Kinda sad.

Maybe that's why some people recoil from transgendered individuals.
Too many changes to the 'shell', the thing we have to look at everyday.

"Gut your insides all you want, but for Gods sake don't change how you
look."

It must be some fundamental instinct of human behavior.

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Sent from my iPhone

Solid Snake Forever

I found a cool Hacking Tutorial on how to put custom ringtones on the iPhone. So, as tradition dictates, I used the Metal Gear Theme.

Much better.

Holy Crap!

And for my next Purchase, a Wii!!!! Mario can turn into a freakin' BEE man!

*Sigh*

Guess I've been in a bit of a funk. Again.

It's weird. I seem to have 'cycles' that take a few months to complete. Sometimes I'm superconfident for awhile, and then I start feeling depressed and lonely for a couple of weeks.

I try to focus on other things. Right now, I'm looking to build one of THESE babies. Now those blow away every other watch in existence.

Clever Title

Well, I went out with the Cold Fish the other day. And I had fun. Not sure if she did- it's always hard to read Goths... But I got my drink on and there weren't that many awkward silences. All in all, I call that a win.

I don't see any romantic prospects there, but I still think she'll make a cool friend.

Finally got around to uploading a couple of pics. I had just gotten back from Happy Hour, so after the obligatory iPhone licking I ended up stripping down and doing a few poses. Ooooh boy, you should see the Outtakes... (No, don't ask.)

USA

Happy July 4th everyone! Try not to lose a hand!

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Sent from my iPhone

Memmmooriiiiiieesss...

Stacia came by yesterday to pick up some stuff. It was a relativly
friendly affair. Not cold, but sterile.

I couldn't resist showing off my phone. She hadn't heard of an iPhone
before. Go figure.

I showed her some old pics of us together, and she wanted me to email
her one, which I did on the spot.

*sigh*

I do miss her. I wish things could have turned out differently.

Ah well.

She's working now, but I can tell she's still a tad unstable. Maybe
another five years or so will see an improvement.

I wish her the best.

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Sent from my iPhone

Hmm

So, she said sure, and that she'd call me later to hammer our the
details.

Not just sure, but 'Sure!' Hmm, I must ponder on this.

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Sent from my iPhone

I know this many people?!

Finding any excuse to test this thing, I've been sending texts to a
bunch of people in my address book, including the 'Cold Fish'.
Remember her? I barely do.

Just invited her out to eat. I'm sure she'll either ignore me or make
up an excuse, but we'll see.

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Sent from my iPhone

Us!

I just stuck It to the man. I was walking by a sprint store, and they
had 2 drones In front of their empty store.

They tried waving me in, waving flyers for some discount. Smiling,
perhaps with that Mac Smugness, I waved my iphone at em as I walked by.

Boy, if looks could kill...

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Sent from my iPhone

Testing

Testing, testing, 123.

Hmm, not too shabby. And people were complaining about this keyboard.
It took less than five minutes before I could start typing with two
thumbs.

Than again, I'm something of a 'tech head'. And I have long, skinny
fingers.

Ta ta for now.

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Sent from my iPhone